You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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