Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
