Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize