College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
