new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
