My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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