Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
