Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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