Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish you could order shots online.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
