he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You ate ashes out of my bong
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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