dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
