Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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