call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
