You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
