You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
