If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
