I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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