I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize