believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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