I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
