Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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