I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
