So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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