I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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