i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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