you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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