Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
