Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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