I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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