When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
