Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
