Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your dad touched me again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My penis needs a shock collar
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
