i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
