We won't sleep together?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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