Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We have started to decorate penises.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
