I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
