The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How naked do you want me to be?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
