I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
