my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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