I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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