I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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