Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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