just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
