Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the day after is always just damage control
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
