Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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