I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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