I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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