all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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