it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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