i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My penis needs a shock collar
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
