hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
