He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
