I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My ass is underappreciated
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
