i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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