they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize