Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
