Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize