Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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