Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my liver is dry heaving
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
