I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
