guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
