yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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