I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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