Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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