It's Friday. Sex?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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