I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
