pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
