I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
