You made me cry and you don't even care
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
