went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
