Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
