I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
