I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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