FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
