I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
