I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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